THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

Who I’m I oh lord…that you see me and take care of me
Who I’m I oh lord…to deserve your great mercy…
Who I’m I…to deserve your love

For you have given me food, I rejected it and went for the grains of animals
You gave me water, I rejected  it and fed the water to the pigs
You clothed me and put me on a soft warm bed...yet  I rejected it, put on rags and slept on the floor

YET..you still show me unconditional love..
You never leave me or give up on me
You never fail me or abandon me
When there is no one else to count on…I can always count on you

Who im I oh lord that you should think of me and care for me?
But you have shown me love, compassion and mercy.
You have given me favour…in all that I do.

Lord I love you because you first loved me
You are my saviour, my father and my friend.
You are a specialist at bringing out something out of nothing

Who is like you oh lord..
The I am that I am..
The God of Moses, Isaac and Abraham..
There is none like you
you are worthy to be praised..

Thank you for coming into this world…
To save me and forgive me of all my sins..

Even though I am not worthy to be called your child..
You still call me your daughter.

“Jesus whispers I am with you…in the deepest hour of the deepest need; when the way is dark and lonesome, I am with you, ill lead” - Morris

Happy birthday Jesus. I love you so much

Hole

There’s a dark hole
A hole I cant understand
A hole that has grown inside of me
It wasn’t a part of me
But now its becoming more of me
I cant stop it
But I know its there
Its hard to let go
It hard to deny it
But I know its there
I feel t o r n
I feel happy
I feel sad
I feel strong
I feel weak
...destabilized
...sick
I don’t know where these feelings are coming from
But I know there is a hole
A hole that is not from me
But has suddenly become a part of me

D E N I A L

I was dying, denying and I didn’t want to stop
The pressure, the sickness the pain
I didn’t want to stop
I knew something was not right
I knew something was missing
I was in denial
Living in lies,
Living in sickness
But I didn’t want to stop
A part of me always wanted to go back
But the other part was always stronger
I felt alone
I felt ashamed
I had no one
But I didn’t want to stop
I didn’t think anyone would care
I didn’t think anyone understood…
The pain, the inner tears. The hatred
But I didn’t want to stop
It started building up
It started becoming a part of me
I knew something was wrong
I knew I should have spoken
I knew I should have stopped
But I didn’t want to stop..
I don’t know if its help I need
Or if its simply just rejuvenation
But…I still don’t want to stop.